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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22922185">Flashbacks</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXAnaloceitXx/pseuds/xXAnaloceitXx'>xXAnaloceitXx</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Vent Fics [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Multi, Panic Attacks, Past Sexual Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Unsympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, past emotional abuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:00:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,467</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22922185</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXAnaloceitXx/pseuds/xXAnaloceitXx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Virgil has a bad night, his boyfriends are more than willing to come to his rescue.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Analogceit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Vent Fics [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765948</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>121</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Flashbacks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Not sure if it warrants the rape/non-con warning but I'm being cautious</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He laid on his bed staring at the ceiling. They had started about an hour ago, maybe longer? He couldn’t really keep up with time when they hit. The things that were said to him running through his head. The things he did, the things he was <em>made</em> to do. Sure he could’ve said no, could’ve left, could’ve done something other than just give in and do it. He ran a hand over his face and let out a sigh. He knew his boyfriends now wouldn’t do anything like that to him. </p><p>They had sat and had a conversation about their pasts, Virgil reluctant to share this particular part of his. Deceit and Logan gave him encouraging smiles and looks full of love and he had caved. Told them all about what Remus had done. It wasn’t even <em>that</em> bad, just some guilt tripping and a little abuse. Virgil let out a bitter chuckle at that. <em>A little</em> abuse, it was more than a little, it <em>had</em> gone on for months. </p><p>He rolled onto his side and wished for nothing more than to be held by his boyfriends. To feel their touch instead of his. To be told that it was ok now, that he was safe, that they wouldn’t let him touch him anymore. He let out a sigh again and rolled to his other side. As much as he wanted them here to comfort him, it was late and they were asleep. He wasn’t about to wake them up because of something so stupid. </p><p>He rolled back onto his back and stared at the ceiling again. It had been a while since he had a night this bad. Deceit and Logan kept telling him how much better he was getting and how proud they were for his progress. His eyes closed and all he could see was his face, his cock, just him. He could hear him belittling him, telling him that it was his fault he was hard so he had to fix it. He could feel his hand in his hair, his cock in his mouth. His eyes flew open and his breathing picked up</p><p>He tried to remember the breathing exercise and couldn’t. His heart was pounding, he couldn’t catch his breath, it felt like there was ice in his veins. He then remembered the thing Logan had taught him, but could only remember part of it. He looked around his room and named, in his head, 5 things he could see. He then touched 4 things, feeling the texture of them instead of his touches. He couldn’t remember what was next but he noticed that his breathing was slower. </p><p>He took as deep a breath as he could and tried to remember. He knew it was 3 things, but 3 what? He let out a frustrated groan and then it clicked. 3 things he could hear. He closed his eyes and listened. He could hear his breathing, slowing down even more, he could hear Roman in his room working on one idea or another, and he could hear his pulse slowing down. He opened his eyes then and stared at the ceiling. </p><p>“2 things you can smell” he said to himself. </p><p>He could smell the candle that he had burning, it was a fruity scent that was his favorite. He would never admit that out loud though. He could also smell the detergent that Patton uses when he does laundry on his sheets. He took in his breathing and noticed that it was back to normal. He opted to not finish the exercise since he was fine now. </p><p>He really wanted his boyfriends here now. They always knew how to comfort him after panic attacks and when he was having flashbacks. He knew they wouldn’t be mad if he woke them up, but he didn’t want to be that needy, or clingy. He had dealt with this by himself before they got together and he could do it by himself when it happened like this. He took a deep breath in and blew it out, hearing his voice in his head belittling him. </p><p>
  <em>“Stop whining, it’s your fault I’m like this”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You should be better at this by now, you’ve done it enough”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Swallow it”</em>
</p><p>Virgil let out another groan, feeling the fingers in his hair. He would make him suck his dick and then hold his head down on his cock so he had to swallow. He would pull his hair if he wasn’t doing it right and would only let up when he finally figured it out. He would place a hand around his throat and threaten to choke him if he didn’t stop whining. He would leave Virgil with no relief, telling him it wasn’t his job to fix his problem. Virgil could feel his cock down his throat and it made him nauseous. He ran to the bathroom that was connected to his room and dry heaved into the toilet. </p><p>He sat back against the wall that was opposite the toilet. He let his eyes close for a second and regretted it instantly. All he could see was his face when he would cum down his throat Virgil had hated it every time. He knew the flashbacks were getting bad when he could taste the cum on the back of his tongue. He dry heaved again, but nothing came up. He could feel him trying to force his cock down his throat, but it wouldn’t happen because of Virgil’s gag reflex. </p><p>He hadn’t noticed that he had started crying until he felt wetness drip onto his hands. He wiped at the tears, smearing his make up, but it did him no good. As soon as he would wipe them away, they would be replaced with new ones. He bit on his fist to stifle a sob that escaped him. He sat like that for a while, maybe a few minutes, maybe a few hours, he didn’t know. When he couldn’t cry anymore he looked to his bed where his phone was laying. He sighed and knew he was going to cave and text them. </p><p>He stood up, rinsing his mouth out in an attempt to get rid of the awful taste in his mouth. It helped a little. He then walked over, getting back into his bed. He grabbed his phone and sent a text to both of his boyfriends saying he needed them. Part of him hoped that it wouldn’t wake them up and they would just come to him whenever they woke up and saw the message. His heart started pounding again when he got a reply from both of them a minute later. He sat his phone down and felt his breathing pick up again. </p><p>5 things he could see. He could see the pillows on his bed, the lamp on the bed side table, the candle that was still burning, his notebook that was next to the lamp, and his stuffed bat that sat on one of his pillows. 4 things he could feel. He reached out and touched the sheets, then the stuffed bat, then the pillows, and lastly his shirt. </p><p>“3 things you could hear” He said to himself.</p><p>He closed his eyes and listened. He could still hear Roman working in his room, he heard his breathing as it slowed down, and he heard his pulse slow down as well. He took a breath and let it out. </p><p>“2 things you can smell” </p><p>He jumped at Logan’s voice, his eyes flying open. He turned to look at him and Deceit as they walked in. </p><p>“The detergent on the sheets and the candle”</p><p>They smiled as they got on the bed with him. </p><p>“1 thing you can taste” Deceit finished.</p><p>“Water”</p><p>They helped him lay back down and then wrapped him up in their arms. Logan had a hand on his back, rubbing soothing circles into it. Deceit ran a hand through his hair. Virgil relaxed for the first time that night and let his eyes close. This time there was nothing but darkness behind his eyelids and he was so thankful for that. He hadn’t noticed how tired he was until then. </p><p>“Flashbacks?” Logan asked. </p><p>Virgil nodded and felt them get closer to him. Their hold tightened on him and he was thankful for it. It gave him something to feel that wasn’t him. The soothing motions continued and Virgil was fighting to open his eyes again. He heard soft chuckles from the pair around him. </p><p>“You should sleep, Vee”</p><p>“We definitely won’t be here when you wake up”</p><p>Virgil hummed a sleepy response and let his eyes close again. He enjoyed the soothing motions for a few more minutes and then let sleep take him. He thankfully didn’t dream.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So this is kind of a vent fic. I wrote this while I was having flashbacks to an abusive relationship so this is me basically just projecting onto Virgil. I also want this out there so that maybe I can make people aware of the different ways sexual abuse can happen. If you don't want to do it, are hesitant to do it, are guilt tripped into it, it's not okay.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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